[Date: Thursday, the 27th of March, Time 7:30 a.m. It's cold out, but it looks like it might turn out to be a nice day if nobody upsets Haruko. Kaede is waiting outside Katies family home like the good little gaurdian he is. Will Katie ever emerge? Let's find out. SESSION START!] * Kaede stands with his hands in his pockets outside the gate of Katie's house. He doesn't intend to make Haruko upset today, but you never know. And he's not a guardian. ;_; * Katie opens the door and peeks outside. She spots Kaede in short order and looks into his eyes from that distance. * Kaede can't have his eyes looked into. Back to the door. Hah (Fortunatly Katie has a mirror mounted in front of her house for just such an occasion :P) (o/~) * Katie blinks, sort of shrinks back in for a moment, then steels herself and steps outside. She stumbles down the step in front of her door, but rights herself before she falls. * Kaede turns around at the stumbling but just slightly. It's enough to note that his eyes actually are hazel though. * Katie adjusts her satchel, glances back, and walks up to him. "Hi." * Kaede halfheartedly waves and says without much enthusiasm. "Hi." * Katie smiles shakily, but drops it. She looks tired. Again. What's wrong? * Katie looks Kaede in the eyes for a moment, then starts stumbling- er, walking to school. "Couldn't sleep." Yeah. But why this time? You never told me about last time either It's not fun. You coming? * Kaede puts his hands in his pockets and starts walking, slower than usual, looking at the ground. "Yeah..." * Katie looks back. She's clutching her satchel strap with a white-knuckled grip. "I mean... I'm sorry." * Kaede looks over oddly at Katie. He seems rather surprised. "You are?" Yeah. I should tell you why, right? I mean, you're the real one, and even if you're not- I'm the real one. * Katie swallows. "It wouldn't be a big advantage." * Kaede says that with utmost certainty * Katie fidgets, but keeps walking once Kaede catches up. (I almost spelled "catches" with a k. Mmm, alliteration.) But you're right. Why are you sorry? Because you're scared, too. And I don't think I'm helping. You're... * Kaede swallows and takes a deep breath. "Don't." * Katie blinks. "Don't what?" * Kaede closes his eyes and stops before he runs into something. He takes another breath. "Don't try to act like you're better than you are. It's better to be a little scared than to get lulled into a false sense of security." And...well, if you try to act less frightened for my sake, then it'll be worse in the long run. * Katie winces. "But..." No buts. But I have to! * Kaede doesn't raise his voice at that, but looks at Katie. "No you don't." Yes, I do! I have to! * Katie hasn't raised her voice much, but she's horribly insistent. * Kaede shakes his head. "Alright. Suppose I entertain you for a while. Why do you have to?" Because if I don't, then they'll know how close they are to winning, how really close they are, and I won't be able to go to school anymore, and- * Katie clamps her mouth shut, audibly. * Kaede starts and looks at her. "Won't be able to go to school anymore? What?" * Katie hugs herself and starts crying softly, but keeps walking. "Because I'm scared, and I'll scream all the time, and cry all the time, and I don't want to be with people but I do and she might be there and put me back again, like I thought last night..." * Kaede frowns and stops. "Last night? Is that what happened?" * Katie rambles to herself in English briefly before turning and looking at Kaede earnestly. "She was there again last night! She was there, and she wouldn't go away! But I wasn't... screen windows and rain." * Kaede closes his eyes slightly and then opens them. No they're not a different color when he reopens them, but they could be! "Katie...even so...why didn't you tell me that earlier?" * Katie puts her fingers to her face, sees that they're wet, and somehow that makes her cry more. "Because it's dumb." Wha...where'd you get that idea? It is! Seeing things that aren't there, just because you're scared of something that used to happen to you! Don't tell me you don't think Haruko being scared of fire is dumb. Selfish. I'm not there anymore. I need to be better. I don't. There's a lot to Haruko I don't agree with, but I don't think there's anything wrong with her being scared of fire. * Katie shakes her head. "It's not happening again. It's not. I don't see things that aren't there." She starts half-stumbling to school again, made worse since she can't entirely see where she's going. * Kaede tsshes and rushes up to Katie, taking her arm and forcing it around his shoulder as he holds onto it. "Katie, listen to me. There's nothing wrong with being scared when something like this happens to you. Trying to tell yourself there IS something wrong with it will only make things *worse* * Katie tenses and nearly screams, but instead of breaking away, she clings to him with her other hand. "I don't wanna go crazy!" * Kaede tries to keep his voice as calm as possible. It breaks a little, but..."Katie. You're not going to go crazy. Not while I'm still breathing.' * Katie sobs. "I'm sorry." You have no reason to be sorry * Katie buries her face into Kaede's uniform. "'m not strong enough. Can't." * Kaede lets out a deep breath and seems at a bit of a loss how to handle it. He does mention a little shakily. "You'll get stronger. I know you Katie." But I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I don't think any of us would have been strong enough to handle what you've been through, Katie Andrews. * Katie squeaks and clings more tightly, if that's possible. * Kaede yelps as he gets clung to and swivels towards Katie. "What?!?" * Katie winces and doesn't say anything. She doesn't let go, either. Ha. * Kaede doesn't say anything either and just stops. * Katie clings, still crying, a few moments longer, then slowly breaks away. She's looking down. * Kaede just stops, looking at her the whole time without a word. * Katie continues in a more even, but dead tone, "They can't take me like this. I can't take me like this. I can't do this, but I have to." None of us were made to handle anything like this. But I have to. But not alone * Katie sighs. "I can't help but thinking. Maybe she has won. Maybe that's it. She didn't kill me, but she got so close it doesn't matter." Maybe it's worse than if she did. * Kaede bites his lip. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that." * Katie nods, dully. "Sorry." She goes back to stumbling- er, walking. * Kaede helps her along. "She hasn't won. We won't let her." We won't... Okay. * Kaede laughs softly and shakes his head as he walks, putting his hands in his pockets. "You know..it's kind of funny." * Katie glances over at Kaede. "What?" Here you are being lectured on not giving up by the number one defeatist in the world. * Katie blinks, then giggles a little. It's true isn't it? Don't tell me you don't think so too It's kinda true, yeah. Only kinda? Yeah. You haven't given up yet. It's not that defeatist. I'm not allowed to * Katie stumbles a little, but Kaede probably keeps her from hitting pavement. "Me neither." * Kaede does keep her from hitting it and shakes his head. "No. But that doesn't mean that you can't talk about it when you're scared. I'll listen." I know. Are you sure you do? It's what friends do. They listen. I don't want you to be scared to talk about it like yesterday though.. Because that isn't like you * Katie looks ahead, dully and still with that even, soft voice. "What do you know about me? You've only known me for two months. What do any of us know about each other?" * Kaede stays silent for a while. ( Funny, for some reason it seems like it's been over a year! Except each day kind of drags on a week.) What about now? I changed overnight. It had to seem like overnight for you, didn't it? ( Yeah, that's pretty weird.) * Kaede frowns and stays relatively silent, looking on the ground. "Taki called me yesterday. She said something about how if Kyon acts nice she knows he's the fake. I asked her if she thinks Kyon can only act like a bastard...I guess it's the same thing.." * Katie hugs herself and doesn't respond. What? I guess so. I.... It's about the hospital, isn't it? * Katie blinks. "What about the hospital?" * Kaede rubs the back of his head. "Nothing, nothing...I just thought that the reason you were uncomfortable talking about Kyon was...I don't know anymore." * Katie laughs, a little. "He's my friend. I just hate the one that isn't him." I know. We all do.. Kyon isn't that bad. He was- he was there for me. When he didn't have to be. He just doesn't like people knowing that. He didn't need to tell me, but it's obvious. * Kaede blinks. "So why are you telling me?" Because you worry about me, and you don't trust him. But Kyon has never really done wrong by me. I'm not scared of him. Who said I don't trust him? You said so. Before. Yeah...well..maybe that's not exactly right... I don't trust his motives. Just because he hasn't done wrong doesn't mean I have to like him..and besides... Besides what? * Kaede shrugs vaguely. "I don't know, I just don't get a good feeling from him. He's...I don't know how to describe him but it's so annoying." * Katie feels his shrug and leads him on yet another path to school. "Try me." * Kaede rubs his forehead. "I don't know how to. You seem to like him well enough, so I'll trust you with that." That's okay, but I want to know why. Why what? Why whatever it is you can't describe. He acts like he's better than everyone. At everything. Even if it's true, you don't act like that. * Katie nods. And I'm pretty sure it's not with Kyon, since he doesn't get stuff half the time when he thinks he does. * Katie laughs a little at that. * Kaede smiles a little. I think he wants to keep people away. Oh, I know he does. He's afraid that if he cares about anyone, they'll get screwed over like he did. Well I'm sorry, but we're not all like him. You talked about letting go of the past and not letting it affect you? I think he's more of a prime example than Haruko. And if it isn't because of all this Arcana stuff, then that's even worse. * Katie nods, speaking more quietly, now. "I don't know what it's about. But he won't talk about it." Frankly I don't care. I mean if he doesn't see that we're going through just as bad of stuff and getting by okay, well then that's his problem. I don't really care if I get his approval or not. And I doubt he cares that I don't care either If Souichirou used to be his friend, and look at who he is now, and... No, I don't think he does. You guys are good at not caring. Us guys? What do you mean? You and Kyon. You're two guys. You guys. Wha..you're putting me in the same category as Kyon?? * Katie shrugs in response. "Sure." But I'm nothing like Kyon! In a few ways, you're a lot like Kyon. I care about you both, for some of the same reasons. * Kaede blinks. "like what?" He sounds more curious now than affronted Like keeping people away. Like the past bothering you. I don't let the past bother me...all THAT much Like worrying about usefulness and the most efficient way. And I bet Kyon doesn't think so, either. I'm not worried about usefulness all that much either. If I were, why would I even have cared to visit Remi when I first knew her? You're worried about it. You... cared about Remi because you kind of knew what she might be going through. You sympathized. It's okay, though. I'm worried about it, too. So how is being sympathetic worrying about usefulness and efficiency? I'm not trying to deny that I worry a bit about it, but to compare me to Kyon because of it... * Katie keeps with the even tone. It's a touch creepy, when she broke down just a bit ago. "Kyon would say it's good to have allies in the right places. I'm guilty of that, too. Don't think I don't consider it when I'm nice to people." But it's something. Mostly, I think you're alike because you both try to keep people away. Wha...I didn't care about having Remi as an ally. She tried to kill me! Or at least scare me into thinking she was going to kill me. * Katie sighs. "Maybe Kyon has a friend now. Maybe he has more than one friend. But he doesn't know what to do with them. It's a little sad." She looks at Kaede. "Don't you think?" * Kaede starts to respond, but seems at quite a loss. It's a turn of the conversation he wasn't expecting. "I...uh.." * Kaede turns off to the side and takes a deep breath, regaining his composure. "I really couldn't care less. Liar. You just don't want to care less. It's not a lie. I really don't give a damn WHAT happens to Kyon. * Katie twitches, a little, but goes back to facing forward and trudging her way to school. * Kaede looks at Katie, tilting his head and following her, silently for a bit. He seems thoughtful. "Well...I guess I could care less. I don't want him to get replaced by Souichirou. And I don't wish any ill on him. But as far as people go, I don't care any more than any other human being. Why he's trying to help me at the shop, I've no idea..." Did he say why? * Kaede shrugs vaguely. "Something about it not being in his best interests if one of his allies is constantly worrying about his shop or some nonsense like that." Didn't seem to bother him before. It's never seemed to bother me before as much as it has either. Besides, he doesn't offer any help I need. I'm perfectly capable of balancing the books. It's the lack of people working the shop that gets to be the problem. * Katie nods distantly. She doesn't say anything. I told him if that's the only reason he was helping me, he could shove it. He never wanted to admit that he actually cared. So why should I? Admit that you care? You don't have to. No. * Katie blinks at Kaede. "No what?" No, I don't have to admit it. I know it, even if I don't show it. That's all that counts * Katie smiles faintly. "Then why worry about whether or not Kyon admits it." Because he doesn't know it. And I don't think he really does. Right. So that's what I see as the difference between us. Who knows, I may be wrong. I have been before, we know. But until he proves otherwise, I will still believe it Okay. * Kaede walks on silently unless Katie happens to say anything more * Katie doesn't. She just keeps stumbling her way to school. [So the rest of the trip seems like it was conducted in silence. And they were doing so well too. Aww.] [Mini End? Perhaps.]