Ahhh... that felt good. Rei's good people. Quirky, but--I wonder if Chie was right? I wouldn't want to hurt her or anything, but--there's always better. Physically, anyway, and only when in disguise. Maria's a great example of what happens when there isn't one. Chie, too. But-- (As an aside, a common way of expressing thoughts in German is to end with "but" or "or" and just trail off. Makoto does this a lot in the safety of his own mind.) (*nods* ^_^) Gods, I wish somebody'd been able to tell me that crap like this might happen if I did things this way. Killing for a living would be so much easier than willful self-delusion. (*laughs*) A hope Auntie's okay now that I'm gone. She and Uncle worry about me too much, or... Maybe it's just that it's in the wrong way, but it's really not my fault. It's not Mom's fault either, to hear them talk, but... gods. Dad's got a lot to answer for. ( I'll keep typing in here, because Makoto can think a lot faster, and a lot *more* than I type. And he usually does. ) Rei's dad seems okay, at least. Probably better than mine. Except, from what Rei told me, he can read minds or something. I wonder if he's reading mine? Hi, Rei's dad! Can you hear me thinking at you? You don't need to yell. Oh, you can hear me thinking. Sorry, I didn't know how it worked. Do you leave this on all the time? It actually takes concentration to turn it "off". Loud thoughts get through all the time. That's why I try to avoid parties. ... Yeah, I can see why. I get the same thing, sometimes. Only not like this. Not thoughts. Feelings are a little ticklish usually, and I have to concentrate to turn them on anyway. So, have you always been able to do this? Heh. Yeah. The actual mind reading started when I was in grade school, actually. Before then, it was... less wordy. Wow. You must piss a lot of people off. Like, if my dad ever met you he'd probably turn around and walk the other way. Unless... ( How does Shig feel, or is he--can he block emotions? ) (He's intrigued. And a little worried, but Shig always gives that mildly worried feel.) ... Mister Ueda, can you block outbound things? Thoughts, feelings, stuff like that? * Shigeru sends a thought tinged with amusement. "Why do you ask?" (Feelings from Makoto. If you can do it, so can I. ;P) (Curious and impressed.) Well, I'm still alive because I can read people and I know when to run and when to stand and fight, one way or another. I guess it's in the genes. If I'd known there were people out there who could shut that off, I wouldn't have slept as well at night when I was younger. Not that I'm old now, of course, but I will be. For a long time. Oh, you don't need to worry as much. There aren't many people like me out there. Well, except for the ones that look like me, but those are easy enough to tell. I thought you killed all of those. Or something. Rei wasn't very clear on what happened, but I know there were more than one of you, and I got the impression that most of the ones you met didn't walk away whole. * Shigeru sends a faint wave of revulsion to him. "You haven't lived until you've seen yourself used for sacrifices and your best friends slaughter you wholesale. College was a very eye-opening experience." * Makoto cringes, but mentally. He's picking up very quickly on this mental communication thing. "It must have been. I'm sorry you had to live through that. But, uhm... in case you haven't met any others of *my* kind, I wouldn't expect anywhere near the same level of sympathy. My aunt tells me that my 'people' are pretty heartless. I have my moments too, sometimes. Genetics, you know. So I hope you don't get mad at me and think I'm out to do your daughter harm. I was intending on having a talk with you about that, actually. I thought you might. That's okay with me, really. I guess I wouldn't have much choice even if it weren't, but... uhm. Maybe after this little episode of pottery smashing is over? Sir? That was the idea. You don't like Maria much, do you? Not particularly. She's moody. Peter and Lazar are tolerant, at least. I never know what to think of Chomei. I think he thinks I'm a demon. Chie doesn't know what to make of me, which I can use-- that sounded really bad, didn't it? Yeah, but I've heard worse. I didn't mean I wanted to use *her*, though the thought has crossed my mind. I just meant I could work with the situation. I'd rather not have these guys completely indifferent to my well-being. You think they're indifferent? Yes and no. Sometimes I disgust them. Sometimes I charm them. Honestly, that's about the same reaction I get from everybody else. Not very encouraging. Strange. Don't you try for that? Yes. I'd like it to not work sometimes. It sounds stupid even in my head, but it'd be nice if somebody liked me *despite* myself. Which is pretty much what attracted me to your daughter. * Shigeru gives a mental nod. "Rei does tend to get... attached to people. It pushes them away more often than not, sadly." Yeah, well... after Chie and Maria brought it to my attention, I realized that I'm not exactly the most loyal of people. Well, as romantic involvement is concerned. And this is probably something we should be talking about in private, but I don't know how to stop thinking. I assume you do, and that's really impressive. I already *knew* I wasn't loyal, but when they talked to me about hurting Rei I realized that it might happen. Hurting Rei, I mean. Which I don't want. But it might. It looks like we're having this conversation a little earlier than expected. Do you want to stop now so you have time to think of a few excuses? What good would they do? None, but they might help you feel better. Not really. I actually *like* being honest. It's like a forbidden sin for me. This mental communication is addictive. You have no idea. Sadly, I think Rei would get the wrong idea if I started making up excuses to come visit you here in China just to unload all of my thoughts on you. You'd probably get pretty fed up with it, too. * Shigeru sounds amused. "Yeah, well. Long as you're here, you can be brutally honest." Thanks. I appreciate that. Have you ever been proud of yourself for not doing something that everybody else refrains from doing as a matter of course, but for you takes a constant effort of will? Heh. You mean like read everyone's minds, just because? Yeah. * Makoto sounds vaguely amused in his thoughts. Like that. It does take effort not to read minds constantly. I assume you have something similar. I do, but... for me, I have this urge to mimic and destroy and hurt. I turned the first into a game, and I like to think I do a pretty good job of avoiding the other two altogether. Usually. I never thought to go back and check up on people after seducing them, though, so all of a sudden I'm having doubts. Life gets a lot more complicated when you start worrying about how other people feel. Yeah, it does. So you're worried about how Rei feels? Yes. I won't lie to you--I can't, anyway, but... I didn't always. It wasn't until hours ago that I realized that she might be hurt by... well, I'm probably not who she thinks I am. Or wants me to be. Does that make sense? Yeah. Frankly, Rei never did have the best perspective on people she likes. The last few crushes she had turned out nothing like she thought, turned her down quite harshly, and ended up on the receiving end of a few of her pranks. She's not still doing those, is she? Not the kind of pranks that I realize she's capable of pulling, no. * Shigeru thinks, "Good," even while he doesn't give the impression that it's good at all. * Makoto expresses bald but wordless confusion. He's not nearly adept as Shigeru at pulling thoughts apart when they get complicated. Uhm. You lost me, Mister Ueda. I can't think as delicately as you can. If Rei isn't pranking like she normally does, she might have grown out of it. More likely, she's too worried to do it. She hasn't been herself for a long time. I think maybe "being herself" means something different now. I mean, she might have changed a bit since I first met her. She has. I expected it to happen, but I was hoping it wouldn't so soon. You were expecting it? Why? I mean, do you mind if I ask why? Sorry, it's kind of hard to be polite when we're just shooting thoughts back and forth at the speed of... thought. Because working in this field, particularly there, in Tokyo, does things to people. I expect you're going to tell me these 'things' are not typically pleasant. 'Things' would be what I told you about the copies of me. Among them. Oh. Not that it surprises me at this point. You guys were going to kill me, but I talked somebody into letting me join you instead. Maybe somebody figured it would be six one way and half a dozen the other. I die or I change, and the threat's gone. That's the idea. These things aren't as clear-cut as we'd like them to be. You seem on your way to changing. Yeah. But it scares me. I don't know if it makes sense, but I can't help but feel that if I change, I'll suddenly have something to be afraid of. I'm not... supposed to be afraid of anything, because I'm not supposed to be attached to people. Between my aunt and uncle, and you guys, I might find myself with something to lose. I'm thinking in circles. ... It looks like we're almost there. Yeah, we are. If you like, we can talk about this later. I would, if you don't mind. It's hard to find somebody who isn't repulsed by stuff like this.