[Wednesday, May 27th, Late! Keiko has gently (or not so gently) convinced Pavla to leave her room. Or maybe she wasn't there before. Point is, Pavla's not in Keiko's room, and Luana is on the way for a heart-to-heart!] [Keiko is sitting at the table in her room, duck in front of her, as she leans forward on crossed arms, staring at her pile of art that's leaned against the wall. Mini start!] * Luana knocks gently on the door, then runs a hand through her damp hair. ~Keiko?~ * Keiko thinks back, ~Yeah, sure.~ * Luana walks in and shuts the door quietly behind her, then sits down on Keiko's bed. "I thought you might want to talk about it, and honestly... I'd like to know, if... if that's okay." * Keiko is silent a moment, leaning her head forward on the table. Her hair is soaked and hanging... but she's dressed in the same dress she was wearing all day. She thinks back, ~I--it's funny. I don't usually... think about it. Most people don't.~ ~And then a stupid... random curse...~ * Luana murmurs, "You're going to make yourself cold," and finds a towel to gently dry Keiko's hair with. ~Keep going.~ * Keiko shakes and thinks back, ~I--I don't know what to say, Lu. I--the last few weeks have been nightmares... but you know that.~ She lets Luana pat her hair down. * Keiko then goes, ~I'm tired, Lu. I just...~ she lets out a little laugh, then finishes, ~I just want to let down all the walls and sink into your mind and not... be myself anymore.~ * Luana sighs, ~That doesn't sound healthy at all. ...When did you... when did you become female?~ * Keiko thinks back, ~It's... not, but it's better than everything else I've been thinking...~ She is quiet again, then turns her head to its side, laying on her arms. ~I... 8, I guess. When I didn't look like a boy.~ ~I don't really know.~ ~Is... is that how you got involved in Blitzkrieg? They did the surgery for you?~ * Keiko lets out a choked laugh, then shakes her head. ~No. No, they're not that nice.~ She turns her head to look back at Luana. ~It was mom.~ * Keiko sits up slowly. ~Mother. Haruko.~ * Luana blinks. ~Really? My parents would have never done that for me.~ * Keiko smiles a little, then thinks back, turning in her chair, ~She... she knew. I don't know how, but... she knew. Maybe I told her in my dreams... I used to dream more colorful, once....~ * Keiko shakes her head. ~Not anymore. Dull now. Except... sometime--~ she stops and looks to Luana's eyes. ~Sorry. Not very... together.~ * Luana folds the damp towel and puts it on the table. She thinks reluctantly, ~She... really seemed to love you. A lot.~ * Keiko is silent a moment, then reaches a hand to Luana's arm, grasping it. She keeps her left hand on the table. ~I know she did.~ * Luana leaks a thought without meaning to, an emotion like, "But I love you a lot too," with a bit of crossness to it. * Keiko shudders slightly and whispers, "Lu..." and then stands slowly from her chair, thinking at her, ~I--I stayed with you instead of her, Luana, I--don't think I don't... ~ * Luana hugs Keiko tightly, projecting contentment as strongly as she can. ~I know. And now you know I mean it, right? You're my best friend, no matter what.~ ~And I can change my gender at will, of -course- I know the difference between having a male body and a female mind or whatever.~ * Keiko gets hugged tightly, and hugs Luana back with one arm. She closes her eyes thinks, ~I-It's not the same. It doesn't matter to you. It... Keiko's my whole me. It's my only me.~ She shudders and adds, ~I love you too, Luana. I love you so much, I--I'm scared. I'm scared of what I'll do, I'm--scared of what I am, I'm scared of what I'm not, I'm--~ she bites on her lip, stopping that train of thought. ~You can tell me. It's okay. I mean... only if it feels better, having someone know.~ * Keiko shakes her head. ~I--you really want to know? I--I'm very ugly. I'm sick. I can not feel it, every day... but I can't not be.~ ~I want to know everything, if you'll tell me.~ * Keiko shudders again, then thinks at her, ~S-sit down, then... and I'll show you.~ * Luana sits down as she was told. * Keiko walks over to her paintings slowly, and runs her fingers over them. She glances back to Luana, then the paintings... and then pulls one out, to show it to Luana. It's... not pretty. It's a mass of girls, nondescript but for blue dresses, collars, black hair, on crucifixes, disfigured in differnet ways, with one last of the same standing in front of them, smiling madly. * Keiko isn't looking at her as she thinks back at her, sounding very quiet, ~This... this is what Eileen does to me.~ ~A shard. A petal.~ * Luana walks over to it and reaches out, almost touching the frontmost girl. ~My poor Keiko. ...But this is a reflection of Eileen, not you.~ * Keiko shivers, and then says quietly, ~I--I don't know anymore. I feel it... I feel it even when she's not around. I'm not supposed to feel when I'm alone... but I do. I feel her, I feel you, I feel Suki, I... I even feel me...~ * Keiko drops the painting and pulls out a second one quickly. It's more recent, rough. It shows Keiko from behind, red spots on her shoulders turning into tendrils that you can see even through the dress, going through her body. ~What are they?~ * Keiko 's picture has a second Keiko at her feet, covered in blood... and off in the distance, a small figure in green. ( hentai, prolly ) ~And... who's that, over there?~ * Keiko says, ~It's... the pain. I feel my pain, I feel her pleasure, and it's... it's mine. I--~ her finger brushes the green figure. ~How... how can anyone want to be near that?~ * Keiko blushes slightly, and then says quietly, ~You are green, Lu. You're always green now.~ * Luana looks down at the green T-shirt she's wearing and smoothes it out. There's a small smile on her face as she thinks, ~Like trees.~ * Keiko smiles a little, still blushing, and adds, ~Like a garden.~ She swallows, then pulls out a third painting. This one is far more upbeat, given that there's no blood. It shows the girl in a blue dress, in a symmetrical yin-yang like pose with a girl in green shirt and pants, against a backdrop of white Chrysanthamum for Keiko, and Blue Flowers for Luana. * Luana smiles brightly at the next painting. ~It's beautiful.~ * Keiko thinks back at her, managing to look back at her eyes, ~You... you're beautiful. I'm... I'm just... an accident waiting to happen.~ * Luana looks to Keiko seriously, ~The horrible things are not your fault. They're Eileen's, and we're going to kill her.~ The last part comes out slightly vicious. ~Any beauty I have is what you gave me by being with me.~ (The last part being the killing part, not the beauty.) * Keiko shivers and adds, ~We are going to kill her...~ she then trails off and looks away, letting the painting settle, ~... but I would not want to see her bleeding, dying, if it weren't... for her in me.~ ~Well, -I- want to see her bleeding and dying, and she's not in -my- head.~ * Luana tilts her head thoughtfully. ~Actually, the fire might cauterize the wounds pretty quickly, so there might not be much bleeding.~ * Keiko manages a small smile, then lets the painting lean against the others and steps closer to Luana, before saying, ~But you're... real.~ She raises her hands to Luana's chest, over the center of it. ~You have a heart... a mind that only I can hear...~ ~A garden... tended by you and I, but...~ * Luana holds her hands to Keiko's. ~If you ever forget who you are, I'll remind you. You'll be... we'll -both- be okay.~ ( I smell an invitation o: ) * Keiko meets Luana's eyes and thinks back at her, ~I... I want it to be we. I want to be woven through your mind...~ She trails off, then looks down. ~I love you like a friend. Like a sister. Like... like poems and flowers and... love.~ * Keiko shudders. ~I can't--I'm so sorry. I know you don't--I--~ ~I don't what?~ * Keiko stops the train of thought, still looking down... but not taking her hand off Luana's heart as she thinks, ~I--you like boys. I'm not a boy.~ * Luana gasps slightly, but holds tightly to Keiko's hands. ~Oh... I...~ She thinks, with a hint of misery, ~I'm sorry. I would if I could. But you'll always be... you're closer to me than my birth family.~ ( She's a transvestite ) (Er, no, she's a transgender lesbian.) (Exactly.) (Otherwise Tim Curry would be singing in the background. :o) ( HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S NOT?!?! ) (*GASP!*) * Keiko nods weakly and thinks, ~I--I know. I'm sorry. I... I guess for a moment, for a second... I thought it could be like a story... but stories are stories.~ She takes Luana's hands in hers, shifting them off holding her heart. ~When I get weak... I get stupid.~ ~You're not stupid. And you'll find someone wonderful eventually. And have babies! Oh, wait, does the surgery let you get pregnant?~ * Keiko shudders and moves closer to Luana, thinking, ~It was gentech. So... maybe. Grozvi--I think he took some.~ She lets out a weak choking sob. ~Maybe some of those girls were part me. Sisters.~ * Luana holds Keiko, thinking soothingly, ~If you can't, I'll give birth for you. I swear.~ * Keiko looks up at her, then closes her eyes and thinks back, ~Anything's... possible. But not for Blitzkreig. They'd be ours.~ ~No, of course not. What would they do with babies anyway? They'd grow up more maladjusted than I did.~ * Keiko starts and replies, ~... they'd make more wards.~ ~They'd be useless for years and years.~ * Keiko murmurs, "Never underestimate science, Keiko," before wrapping one arm back around Luana, letting the other hang. ( After all, Asahara already invented accelerated aging years ago o/~ ) (Like she said.) * Luana loosens up to just one arm as well, then thinks plaintively, ~I'm hungry again. Want to go get food with me?~ * Keiko blinks, then lets out a quiet laugh and thinks, ~S-sure. Lemme put the paintings back.~ ~Oh, the one of us! You should hang it up, if Pavla doesn't mind. Or you could hang it in my room, Jamie doesn't really care.~ * Keiko swallows, then thinks, ~Y-you can have anythin--it.~ She bites her lip again and steps away from them, grabbing the painting and offering it to Luana. ~Here.~ * Luana takes it, blinking, then grins. ~Thanks! I'll go put it in my room and be right back, okay?~ * Keiko nods and thinks back, ~Okay.~ She manages a weak smile. (Emotionally: Luana is just thrilled that Keiko trusts her, and even though she's sad that she can't be in love with Keiko, she's just happy they're still best friends. And, well, she's also kind of flattered.) * Luana jogs out of the room with the painting. * Keiko watches Luana go, and then grips her wrist, squeezing her eyes shu. They then reopen as she whirls and grabs the two paintings, sliding each back into place with her lip firmly bit. Her eyes flick in Luana's direction, through the wall, and it causes her to smile weakly again, for a moment. * Luana jogs back in. ~Done! Let's go eat!~ * Keiko looks at Luana and nods slowly, glancing to her duck and picking it up. She slips it into her cloak and then steps towards her. ~Lead me.~ * Luana takes Keiko's hand and heads out. (To food!) (Feelin' done?) (Yup) [And off to late night fooding they go! Mini end!]