[Friday, June 20th. Time: 1:13 PM.] [Keiko has asked Luana to guard her room while she takes a shower... conveniently providing Togo knowledge of where she is! Togo can probably dismiss her just in time to talk to Keiko alone about something!] [Togo has hopefully waited long enough for Keiko to be done! Or maybe he'll wait longer. Mini Start!] * Togo stands outside the door, having lent Luana his SMG and a couple of dozen clips to play with. He waits a few moments for her to get some distance away, then knocks on the door. * Togo waits a minute or so, then knocks again. * Keiko opens the door. She's in the same outfit she was before, hair wet. There's obvious bulges from where there's some sort of bandages under the oufit, stomach, arms... places one gets cut. ~Yes, I know Lu is gone.~ * Togo stands at the door, stone faced. ~We need to talk.~ * Keiko looks at him funny, then turns her back. ~You're in a mood. Something go wrong?~ ~Can I come in?~ ~Yes.~ * Togo steps in, closing the door behind him. ~Need to use the medpak again?~ ~Small cuts. Should we waste it?~ ~Your choice. If it's down to cuts and scrapes, rather than wounds, save it. If it's anything that'd cause you problems if we were called out tonight...~ * Keiko presses her lips together. ~Knife. Well, you're not angry.~ She walks over to a pair of plants on the windowsill. None of her painting stuff is visible anywhere. * Keiko 's lip twitches. ~So what's wrong.~ * Togo tilts his head, then nods. ~No point dancing around it, I suppose.~ ~Please, *please* tell me you're not seriously considering Luana's offer.~ * Keiko stills in her movement. It takes her a few moments as she lets out an audible breath, then thinks back, ~Why shouldn't I?~ ~You need to ask me why poking around in her head to make her attracted you is a bad idea?~ * Keiko snorts, then replies, ~No. I am asking you why I shouldn't do what my best friend... my only real friend... wants. What she thinks will make her happiest.~ * Keiko 's hand touches one of the plants briefly. * Togo clinches his teeth. ~She an emotionally damaged teenager, layed down on top of a shattered personality, who'd do anything to make the people she cares about happy. Messing around in her head more can *not* end well.~ * Keiko chuckles weakly. ~Nothing ends well for us, Togo.~ ~Don't tell me I shouldn't consider giving her... a moment of something she'll never get. At least, not of her own choice.~ ~Don't give me that fatalistic crap. She can have a life the old fashioned way if we work hard enough to help her.~ ~Wait... a moment? Luana was talking like it was going to be permanent. Are you thinking something different?~ * Keiko replies, ~You don't know what I'm thinking.~ ~You ain't kidding.~ ~If you're talking a one-time thing... I'm concerned, but not nearly as much as if you're going into her head and making permanent changes.~ * Keiko frowns. ~Everything's a permanent change. Talking to her is a permanent change.~ ~Time doesn't go backwards, Togo.~ * Keiko closes her eyes. ~What makes the old fashioned way so great? It hasn't worked out so well for any of us here, has it.~ ~I've done okay, all things considered. And cut the philosophy crap, please. You're too smart not to know why I'm concerned. Talk to me.~ ~Wha's any of that gonna do?~ * Keiko turns around. ~Do I have to prove I care? That I know what it means to use my powers? To you, Togo?~ ~Because as much as I don't want you doing this, I'm not gonna stop Luana if that's what she wants to do. I can't stop her. So yeah. I wanna make sure you know what the fuck you're doing.~ * Keiko frowns at him, then snorts and turns away. ~I don't have anything to prove to you, Togo. I can't even prove anything to you.~ ~What do you want me to do, juggle your mind and put it back together again?~ ~I want to know that you can actually do this without breaking her even more, whether there'll be any side effects, if it'll last, what happens if it doesn't... I want to know that you've thought the details of this through.~ * Keiko replies, ~And you can't. I can tell it to you. But I can't make you know, can I?~ ~Then walk me through it. If I can't know, at least make me believe, for god's sakes.~ * Keiko exhales noisily. ~I haven't even decided. She doesn't even know.~ ~She asked you if she should, for fuck's sake.~ ~And I told her what I just said: I'll support her, whatever she chooses to do. It's her life. But I need more from you.~ * Keiko sighs and looks out the window. ~I don't even know how she can ask me that. How does someone... trust that much.~ ~I tell her horrors and all she does is clutch me tighter.~ ~She's Luana. That's who she is. If she cares about you, nothing else matters.~ ~Which is why the people that care about her have to look out for her.~ * Keiko replies, ~But... one thing does matter.~ ~It always matters. I'm not a boy, so...~ * Keiko shudders and looks away. ~So tell me. What do I do? If I am around her, we are a cycle of, at best, dull pain.~ ~If I am not, she would crumble. I...~ ~She loves you as much as she's capable of. Be happy with that.~ ~Settle.~ * Keiko runs her fingers along her arm. ~Yes. I should settle for what others wish of me. And so should she. The world will provide.~ ~You should settle for what's real. You can't make someone love you.~ * Keiko bites her lip. ~Yes. OF course I should. If you are born a boy, you live a boy. If you are born a slave, you live a slave.~ * Keiko turns on Togo quickly, head tilted down, as she looks slightly up at him with what looks like the beginnings of real anger on her part. * Togo slams a fist into the wall. "GodDAMMIT Keiko! I'm not ordering you not to do this, I'm fucking begging you!" * Keiko growls, then snaps back, "You don't even understand what I'm saying. You don't know anything about me!" She presses her lips together hard as she thinks back at him, ~You don't know anything about what's real.~ There's no way this will end well! Even if you can pull it off, and there are no side effects, and she'll never know it's not real, you will! And I guarantee you, it'll eat away at you! * Keiko steps closer to him, voice in his mind low. ~How dare you.~ ~How dare you. How dare you act like you're the only one that cares about her.~ * Keiko grabs him by the coat. ~How dare you... you lecture me about pain, about regret. Like I don't have any! Like--~ she quickly turns away and steps back, turning away. ~Dammit, you think I haven't... I've known she hasn't loved me for a long time, you fucker.~ ~You've been thinking about this for an hour.~ * Keiko shudders and looks down. ~I've been thinking about it for months.~ ~Keiko, for the love of... I know you've been through ten times as much shit as I even know about. I know that despite that, you're a good person, even if you refuse to believe it. You've been thinking about this for months? Fine. Fill me in. Make me understand why this isn't the terrible fucking idea I think it is. Why what I just said won't happen.~ ~Make me believe that, and I'll walk the fuck out of this room right now, and you'll never hear another word from me about this.~ ~Because if you can pull this off, and you can live with it, and it's really what Luana wants... I'm not fine with it, but I'll accept it. But if it's going to rot inside you and pull you away from her...~ * Keiko lets Togo rail at her a bit, shuddering. ~You want me... to predict the future. I'm not a seer. I see the mind, the heart... not the future.~ ~You want a guarantee. I can't... guarantee I'll see tomorrow.~ ~Forget me. If you yourself can't even be sure it'll go right...~ * Keiko whirls on him again, striding towards him. ~I don't know how to be sure! I can lie! Lying is sure!~ * Keiko pokes him in the chest. ~If I do it, she still might not even love me!~ ~She will.~ ~No. You can believe she will.~ ~Yes. And she believes she will. I might be blind, but even I can see that.~ * Keiko draws back from him again. ~Then why don't you?~ ~What don't I what?~ ~Believe in her.~ * Keiko looks down. ~I can't. I can't even... understand... but you can.~ ~What are you talking about? I already said I'd go along with whatever she wanted. My concern is that, down the road, you're gonna regret it. And she's gonna get hurt.~ * Keiko replies, ~Can't predict the future.~ ~I want to... I want to be the person she thinks I am. But I can't lie. My mind will never let me forget for long.~ ~So I don't know, Togo. If you wanted a liar... Heinrick's good at it.~ ~I don't want a liar. I want someone who can truthfully tell me they believe they believe what they're doing is right, that they believe they won't feel guilty and pull away from her, that they believe they won't break her all over again.~ ~I don't care if you know it. But if you don't believe it, this thing hasn't got a chance.~ * Keiko is silent a moment, then shakes her head. ~I remember... threatening you if you ever leave her.~ ~A few times, if I recall.~ * Keiko finally replies, ~I'm still deciding, Togo. I'm still... puzzling. Thinking. It's what I do. You want childish confidence. I only have... me.~ ~I don't want to leave her. That's... why we're here.~ * Togo rubs his head, and leans back against a wall. ~Then keep thinking about it. Look inside yourself, and figure out if this is what you really want... if this'll truly make you happy... before you do this.~ * Keiko half-smiles, then replies, ~You don't... understand what it's like to be around someone who loves you when you're me.~ ~Nope. But I've been around for a while, and I've been in some fucking deep holes of my own. And I clawed and scratched and ripped my way out of them because I realized there were things I wanted... that I deserved... waiting for me if I did.~ * Keiko balls her fist as Togo runs through his litany. ~So... what? I don't understand why you're... you're acting like I don't understand. What don't you think I understand?~ ~You act like you're powerless. You aren't. You want to be the person she thinks you are? Be that person. None of the other shit matters unless you let it.~ * Keiko stares at him, then just starts laughing weakly. ~N--none of it matters. None of it matters...~ ~Never said it was easy. Took me years. But I made it happen because I wanted it bad enough. You can too.~ ~You say I don't know you. You're right. Only you do. So look inside, figure out what it is you want, and fucking steamroll over anything in your way until you get it.~ * Keiko looks right at Togo and he can feel the telekinetic pressure around him, but it's not exactly training time. She's clearly snapped to anger. ~None of it MATTERS? How dare you fucking tell me what doesn't matter!~ ~Grozvy took away my children, and Blitzkreig takes away my future, and now you are a little afraid, after bring Luana up from the depths of her own personal hell, that I might leave her!~ * Togo grunts a bit at the pressure, but keeps his composure. "Nothing matters but what you decide matters. If Luana's all that matters to you, then nothing else does." * Keiko 's grip on him gets tighter. ~Don't you think that. Don't you feel sorry for me while--while you try to use me to feel better about what Luana wants!~ ~Not even ice can be ice! Not when it stops moving!~ ~I gave up my mother for Luana! Don't you--don't you--~ * Keiko suddenly coughs and steps backwards, away from him, before going into a coughing fit. We are who we make ourselves. I was lost until I decided I didn't want to be lost. You love Luana. You want to be with her. Let yourself believe you're a good enough person to deserve it, and believe it's what you want. Your past has no power you don't give it. * Keiko puts a hand to her dresser. She waits a few moments, then just says, "Get out..." in that tense voice between coughs. * Togo stands still for a moment, then turns and heads for the door. "You're stronger than you think you are. You've just got to believe it." And he heads out. * Keiko keeps coughing for a little bit, then slides down against the bureau and closes her eyes. "I'm not..." As she trails off she looks around the room, realizing it's empty, she murmurs, "Luana." [Mini end!]