<@Brett> [Date: ? Time: ?? Location: ???] <@Brett> [After a socially awkward session where the GM was really out of it, you made your way to the mines, where you found a bright glowy portal. Alysha was pushed into it, and you (being as dutiful as you are) followed after with no thought of how you're going to get out of here.] <@Brett> [Where is here, anyhow? Well.... You appear to be in the middle of the wilderness at a long table with tea and crumpits on it. You being Montana, and Shiho, who are sitting on one side. Montana's wearing a tux and Shiho's wearing a fancy, low-cut dress with a corset. When did they change? Anyhow, also at the table are another guy in a ratty suit with a bowtie and top hat and an impeccably <@Brett> dressed rabbit. They're chatting it up.] <@Brett> [Start!] <@Brett> [Oddly enough, Shiho and Montana both have their weapons still. Go figure. <@Brett> ] <@Brett> ( I have completely stumped the audience ) (Sorry, Dre started talking to me.) * Shiho looks down at her low-cut dress and raises an eyebrow. She has fairly small breasts, so all it's revealing is the flat skin over her breastbone. "What," she says flatly. * WeightofTaki (RanDoMs@c-76-103-147-44.hsd1.ca.comcast.net) has joined #mc5 * WeightofTaki is now known as Gordo <@Brett> ( Wow it's a Gordo :O ) (Sorry, was out getting my car hand washed before my roadtrip.) (Took an hour longer than I had expected) * Montana blinks at the guy across the table and the rabbit, then looks at Shiho, then looks down at himself. He brings a hand up to his face and head, checking for mask and hat (even though he'd left the hat on Shiho's head). <@Brett> [Montana is wearing a top hat. As for his suit, no sign of it. Odd that they'd leave the weapons and not the suit, but there you have it.] (I'm guessing she's wearing heels now?) What in the hell-? Shiho, you got any idea what's goin' on? <@Brett> ( Yep! ) (gross) * Shiho kicks off the heels and starts ripping the bottom of her dress so it's easier to move in. "Not a damn clue." * Montana stands, patting down his own person. "And why the fuck do I got my gun but not my suit?" * Shiho finishes up, stands, and looks around for Alysha. <@Brett> [Says the rabbit, "And then whadya do, Mr. Hatta?" "I gave her one of those silly riddles, dear chap! The poor girl seems awfully tense."] <@Brett> [No sign of Alysha here!] * Montana looks around, too, and probably also gets nothing. Obvious or not-so-obvious exits? <@Brett> [There are tons of exits; you're in the wilderness.] (Just checking; sometimes your wildernesses can be tricksy!) <@Brett> [The Hatter looks up at Shiho. "Leaving us already? Won't you have more tea?"] No, thank you. * Shiho walks to stand next to Montana. "Any idea what to do?" <@Brett> [The Hatter shrugs and pours another round for himself and the rabbit.] * Montana looks at Shiho helplessly. "Nope. Nigel'd be a better bet, an' he ended up talkin' to a rat last time." He considers this wisdom for a moment before going up to the hatter and hare. "'scuse me," he says, tipping his top hat. "Y'all see some other people come through, willingly or otherwise?" <@Brett> ["Oh certainly!" says the Hatter. "So many come through here, all lost or wanting to be lost. Why, just the other day --- or was it decade? It's so hard to remember --- A young girl came through looking for something she had lost. As I was telling my companion here," he gestures to the rabbit, "I gave her a riddle to help her on her way."] <@Brett> ["He did," says the rabbit. "He really did."] Yeah? What'd she look like? <@Brett> [The Hatter sips his tea, and says, "If you'd like, I can do the same for you."] <@Brett> ["Why, young and blond."] (Alys.) <@Brett> ( It's prossible ) * Shiho narrows her eyes and says slowly, "Isn't this... some kind of book? Something in English?" * Montana scratches at the back of his head, safely under the brim of his tophat. "Maybe? You got about as good an idea as I do." He looks at Shiho. "Figure we should take this riddle?" <@Brett> [Montana discovers an ungodly horror.] <@Brett> [His stubble is gone!] (The stubble on the back of his head?) * Montana moves his hand to rub at his face. "Whoa. What the fuck!" (There, I fixed it!) <@Brett> [The Hatter tsks. "Such language!"] * Shiho studies Montana's face for a moment, then nods. "Looks good." (the boy can clean up) (travesty) * Montana growls. "Ain't the point." He points his gun at the two Wonderlanders. "What happened to us." For some reason, shaving his face seems to be the last straw, or at least one straw less. (Shaving Montana's face - it's not right!) (Yeah, he can clean up.) (Nigel cleans up well, after all.) * Shiho mutters, "Where -is- everyone?" <@Brett> [Says the Hatter to Montana, "'What' happens to all of us some time in our lives." And says the rabbit to Shiho, "They're late for a very important date."] What's the riddle? <@Brett> [The Hatter stops mid sip, then puts his cup back on his, erm, teacup dish, and looks over at Shiho, his mouth twitching. "You want the riddle, do you?"] Sure, why not. <@Brett> [His body doesn't move as he turns his head towards the rabbit. They both grin widely at the same time, then start whispering to each other. But not very quietly. You can actually hear them saying "Wswswswswsws."] <@Brett> [Then they turn back to Shiho, still grinning. The Hatter puts his palms together. "Very well. The riddle."] * Shiho puts a hand on her sword. <@Brett> ["When is a door.... Not.... a door?" And he spreads his arms wide.] (WHEN IT'S YOUR FACE) (BAM) * Montana ughs, and he lowers his gun. (So sick!) <@Brett> ( D: ) Is that... what? When it's a jar. A door ain't a door when it's a jar. ...I don't get it. <@Brett> [The rabbit pulls a jar of pickles from beneath his side of the table, putting it on top, and it opens, and impossibly a well-dressed mouse climbs out of it. "EXACTLY!"] <@Brett> [The Hatter and the rabbit laugh to each other.] Annnnd a talkin' mouse. <@Brett> ["Oh come now, it's not like you haven't seen one before," says the mouse. "And I'm not just any mouse. I'm the Door Mouse!"] <@Brett> ["And this..." he taps the jar with a fo.... paw. "Is your door!"] We're... what? <@Brett> [He pauses, staring blankly, then says, "I'm not just any mouse. I'm the Door Mouse! And this..." He taps the jar with a paw, " is your door!"] Yeah, so... we're too big to, uh. Go through the door. Also, it's full of pickles and I can't believe I'm saying *any* of this. <@Brett> ["Nonsense!" Says the dormouse. Or Door Mouse, rather. "And plenty of it," adds the rabbit.] <@Brett> [The mouse shoots him a look, then turns back to you, "And how will you know if you never try?"] Am I high? Were we drugged? Kinda hopin' yes. <@Brett> [The rabbit says, "If you'd like, I know a certain caterpiller who could hook you up."] * Shiho pinches her arm. <@Brett> [It hurts.] * Montana looks at Shiho, then at the creatures, then at the jar. * Montana gives up. He walks over and tries to put his hand in the jar. Maybe it'll come up pickles. <@Brett> [It says ,"McLeary's Pickles." <@Brett> [Montana gets sucked into the jar with a "SHOOP!"] * Shiho immediately puts her hand in the jar. <@Brett> [Shiho follows, and the mouse shouts after her, "Hey! Remember to feed your head!"] (shiho's disappearance sounds like 'woop') (Shoop shoop shoop shoopa woop woop woop.) <@Brett> [They land in a bedroom, where they find Sonia lying wide awake on an enormous bed that could fit about 20 people. She's wearing a pro-racing outfit. And apparently being sponsored by McDougal's Fastfood.] * Montana grunts a bit, but he landed on his feet and seems all right. He looks around, taking in the rom, and eventually (the bed is big, okay?) spies Sonia. "Darlin'?" (Am I wearing a helmet? Am I by myself?) You okay, Sonia? <@Brett> ( You're wearing a helmet with the visor up, and there's a mannequin of a black guy near you.] ) * Sonia looks out through her visor and shrugs slightly, before saying, "Landed on a big-ass bed. Nice outfits." She works her way off of the bed, or tries to. I'll trade you. Fun as that'd be for Monty, don't think it's worth it. * Montana tips his hat to Sonia. "Don't know what yer implyin'," he says. <@Brett> [Suddenly the door of the bedroom bursts inwards, and an incredibly muscular black man with an afro and a large mustache steps over the threshhold. He's wearing red briefs and nothing else, and poses as a disembodied voice shouts, "BIG JIM SLADE! Former Tiedam for the Kansas City Chiefs is outfitted with various whips, chains and a sexual appetite that will knock your socks off. Big Jim has <@Brett> satisfied women throughout the world, and the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln!" And he scoops Sonia up, bridal-style, and heads off into the hallway.] <@Brett> ( So basically this just happened: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQ96dy93mP0 ) <@Brett> [Why no one reacted is anyone's guess. Maybe you were all too stunned at the absurdity.] * Montana aims at Big Jim's leg and fire at him with the gun he hasn't put away yet. (What, but I just typed that!) (fires, even!) * Sonia 's eyes are wide as eyes can get as she gets carried off. "The fuc--" and she's spirited off. <@Brett> ( gimme init rolls! ) 2d6+8 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+8 for Montana and gets a natural 5 for a result of 13. 2d6+6 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+6 for Sonia and gets a natural 5 for a result of 11. <@Brett> [Montana hits only the ruined door. Jim has swooped in and out in an instant go!] 2d6+11 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+11 for Shiho and gets a natural 5 for a result of 16. <@Brett> [Shiho, Big Jim, Montana, Sonia] (Dice is consistent tonight.) * Shiho runs after Big Jim with her sword to stab him. What the hell is this even. 2d6+8 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+8 for Shiho and gets a natural 4 for a result of 12. <@Brett> [Shiho hits, and Big Jim pops. Sonia is dumped to the ground as he deflates into a rubber likeness of himself.] * Montana catches up shortly after, as he got moving later than Shiho. "You okay, darlin'?" * Sonia rolls to her feet quickly, in a crouch. She looks up at Montana and says, "Yeah... guess he was savin' the action for, uh, whever the fuck he was going." Who fuckin' knows. Maybe he was runnin' for a jar of pickles. <@Brett> [He sure had sex appeal though.] * Shiho stares at the deflated blow up doll and begins taking extremely steady breaths. Her mouth moves after every inhale and exhale as if she's counting how long to hold it. <@Brett> [Anyhow, now you're in a hallway.] * Montana decides now is a good time to keep going down the hallway, stepping over/around the deflated Big Jim Slade. "How long've you been here?" he asks Sonia. * Sonia stands to her feet and takes off the helmet, if she can. (How long?) <@Brett> [There's 3 doors. One on the right, one on the left, and one straight ahead. It looks like an appartment hallways.] <@Brett> [Sonia does take the helmet off without trouble. It's a kind of nice one, too.] (How long have I been here?) <@Brett> [No idea!] <@Brett> [You don't remember anything from before a few seconds ago.] * Sonia shakes her head and says, "Remember wakin' up and then seein' you two." * Sonia spins the helmet on her hand idly, falling in with Montana in the hall progression. <@Brett> [It's not a big hall. There's just the 3 doors and the way you came from.] * Shiho follows them after another few seconds of steady breathing. * Montana glances at Shiho, a little concerned, then says generally, "One, two, or three?" If some is good, more must be better. * Shiho shakes her head. "Any's as good as the others." * Montana walks forward and opens the middle one, then. <@Brett> [Behind that door is Gordo! He's got his rifle strapped to his back, and is holding a mop and a bucket of water. And wearing a maid outfit.] * Shiho takes one more deep breath, then bursts into laughter. (Actual maid outfit, or fanservicey everybody gets an eyeful of his pasty white legs outfit?) <@Brett> ( Up to you :D ) * Sonia sucks in a breath through her teeth, then says, "Cleanin' up after Big Jim?" Who? Why I've a mo- The BLOODY HELL AM I WEARING? What did we 'ave to drink last night? I'm kinda hoping we got drugged or somethin'. * Shiho is laughing so hard that she's holding her stomach and bent over slightly. * Gordo sets the mop aside like it might explode, and then peers around for his actual clothes. "Never been one for kilts m'self. Don't have the legs." Portal. Remember? * Montana snickers. <@Brett> [The room Gordo was in seems like a regular bedroom like the one Sonia was in.] (Hey Brett, is Gordo still wounded, and if so, did the magic clothes swapping fairy at least dress his wounds?) <@Brett> ( Yes and yes. ) * Shiho winds down, still giggling a little. "Oh man, I needed that. Thanks." * Gordo retcons a sling into existance over the arm that wasn't holding the mop, and makes the dress short enough to show off the bandages wrapped around his left leg. "At least the pervert seems to know how ta tie a bandage." And least I didn't wind up in the shreads of a dress with no weapon like, poor Shiho... Ach! Sonia! Where's your car? (... My muses have decided that Gordo's Irish. The hell guys.) (*dies giggling*) (I assume it's not communicating with me, Brett?) (Shiho still has her sword and gun, actually) <@Brett> Nope (Ah, I missed that, then I'll drop that bit out and stick with the shreads) * Sonia continues twirling the helmet on her arm. "Don't know. Hope... she's not getting anything weird. Shouldn't have brought her in." * Gordo nods. "S'pose we're off to find the others. And m'pants." Maybe my hat'll be there. (Any other exits?) <@Brett> [Just the two doors you haven't tried yet * Gordo walks out into the hall. "If it wern't for Sonia reminding me a the portal, I'd swear this's the morning after of some crazy costume party." * Gordo pulls his dress down flat. "Augh." This dress was pretty nice before I ripped it up. It's all fake anyweay. ... This isn't that shadow thing tryin' to give us the opposite a what we always wanted or somesuch nonsense is it? I don't think the opposite of what I've always wanted is a tea party with Montana. <@Brett> ( and a rabbit! ) * Gordo turns and looks at Shiho and Monty, then shrugs lopsidedly and makes for the next door. "Then let's go find Nigel and make him sort it out. I dunno, bet Nigel'd like ta have a tea party. * Montana goes and opens door no. 1! <@Brett> d4 * Dicesuke rolls 1d4 for Brett and gets a natural 2 for a result of 2. <@Brett> [No sooner does Montana open it then some blue tentacles snake out and wrap around Sonia's limbs. They start dragging her into the room, towards a creature that seems to be little more than a ball of the things.] Why the fuck! * Montana fires at THIS creature. <@Brett> ( Gimme init rolls! ) 2d6+8 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+8 for Montana and gets a natural 8 for a result of 16. <@Brett> [Also you can hear a woman screaming inside the room.] 2d6+7 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+7 for Gordo and gets a natural 8 for a result of 15. 2d6+11 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+11 for Shiho and gets a natural 6 for a result of 17. 2d6+6 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+6 for Sonia and gets a natural 7 for a result of 13. (Does Sonia have "Kidnap Me" as one of the patches on her driving suit?) * Sonia is playing damsel in distress in this film, and it's not a good look on her. She drops her helmet as she's grabbed. <@Brett> [Order: Shiho, Montana, Gordo, Tentacles, Sonia] <@Brett> [Shiho!] * Shiho still has her sword out and slices down on the tentable that grapped Sonia. 2d6+8 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+8 for Shiho and gets a natural 4 for a result of 12. <@Brett> [Shiho's blade is deflected as another tentacle swats it out of the way.] <@Brett> [Montana!] <@Brett> ( Montana ) <@Brett> ( Mont. Anna. ) <@Brett> ( anatnoM ) <@Brett> [Gord] <@Brett> [o] <@Brett> [Gordo] * Gordo brings his riffle around one handed and shoots at the tentacles! 2d6+7 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+7 for Gordo and gets a natural 8 for a result of 15. (Just the one because arm and didn't have the thing ready) <@Brett> [Gordo puts a bullet through it, and several tentacles fly off the beast. Something in there shrieks in pain.] (Oof, sorry!) (I can go now.) <@Brett> ( k ) * Montana fires at the tentacle thing, trying to get it to drop Sonia. 2d6+7 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+7 for Montana and gets a natural 7 for a result of 14. <@Brett> [Montana hits, destoying one of the tentacles on Sonia.] (Do we see the screaming woman at _all_?) <@Brett> [But the others continue to pull her in, no doubt in an attempt to do R-rated things.] <@Brett> ( Nope ) <@Brett> d3 * Dicesuke rolls 1d3 for Brett and gets a natural 2 for a result of 2. <@Brett> [In the meantime, it also slaps at Montana with a tentacle.] ( a little slap and tickle) 2d6+6 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+6 for Montana and gets a natural 11 for a result of 17. <@Brett> [And misses. Montana avoids getting molested.] <@Brett> [Sonia! Who's currently grabbed.] <@Brett> ( Forcing me to look up grapple rules AGAIN. Why do I do this to myself? ) ( I honestly don't know. ) <@Brett> ( Ok, ready ) (So, uh, can I even take action? Am I in pin?) <@Brett> ( You're grabbed, not pinned ) (So I have a hand free? HOORAY) * Sonia punches one of the tentacles grabbing her leg. "Screw off, slimy." <@Brett> ( Go ahead and roll :P ) 2d6+6 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+6 for Sonia and gets a natural 11 for a result of 17. <@Brett> [Sonia punches the tentacle, hard enough to break it from the main body. It makes a sloppy wet sound.] <@Brett> [Shiho!] * Shiho tries again to slice a tentacle off. 2d6+8 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+8 for Shiho and gets a natural 7 for a result of 15. <@Brett> [Shiho succeeds, freeing Sonia.] <@Brett> [Montana!] * Montana fires at the center of the tentacle mass, now! Or at least what he thinks is the center. 2d6+7 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+7 for Montana and gets a natural 8 for a result of 15. <@Brett> [Montana hits, and the thing falls appart, becoming a mound of slimey twitchy appendages.] (Is the girl still screaming?) * Sonia pulls herself up to a crouch quickly, only to have the tentacle mass die on her. She exhales quickly in relief. <@Brett> [A woman gasps from the other side of the mound. "Thank you, comrades," she says in a thick Russian accent. "If you hadn't come along when you did..." And as she rounds the mound and comes into view, she stops. She looks familiar. In fact......] <@Brett> ( Gimme mind rolls! ) 2d6+5 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+5 for Gordo and gets a natural 9 for a result of 14. 2d6+5 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+5 for Sonia and gets a natural 11 for a result of 16. 2d6+5 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+5 for Shiho and gets a natural 7 for a result of 12. (I STOLE SHIHO'S BRAIN) 2d6+4 * Dicesuke rolls 2d6+4 for Montana and gets a natural 6 for a result of 10. <@Brett> [Everyone who's not Montana recognizes her. It's Natascha, MMO's representative in Eastern Europe, whom you've clashed with so often.] ... jesus, lady, how'd you end up here? <@Brett> [But Montana just sees a sexy Russian in military fatigues.] * Montana looks at Sonia. Do they know her? He looks at Natascha, trying to pin a name to the face. <@Brett> [She puts a hand on the revolver at her him and stares back. "I could ask you the same thing, though I imagine you're adolescent boss did something stupid again, and now you're trying to pick up the pieces."] * Gordo blinks and attempts to rub his eyes, but he just doesn't have a hand free to do it with. "This's one of those missions and one a THOSE missions all at once. Let's not start shooting eachother 'till we're all back in realish reality." Yeah, but you weren't... _here_. We came in from... Africa. <@Brett> [Natascha blinks a few times. "Africa? What were you doing there? That isn't Alysha Johnson's territory."] Long story. But there's more of us than you, so better question, like I said... how the hell are you _here_. <@Brett> ["That is classified."] (What's she wearing, btw?) (Since everyone ended up in wacky outfits.) (Fatigues) (Ah! That's not fair.) <@Brett> ( Nothing, she totally got molested by the tentacle de yeah she's wearing fatigues.] ) <@Brett> ( Brown and.... darker brown. To be precise. ) * Montana rolls his eyes. "How 'bout you tell us where you came in from. And how." <@Brett> ["You know I can't do that."] No, really, it's kinda fuckin' important. * Sonia points. "Since from our side, it's black magic and sacrifice, you probably want to stay fuckin' alive." <@Brett> ["Not happening." She checks her gun, whirling the chamber like those old fashioned revolvers do. "But I can help you get out."] How's that? <@Brett> [She smiles. "Really. After all the damage you've caused to my company, you expect me to simply tell you? I'll let you know after I do what I came here to do, and when I'm sure you will not stab me in the back once I do so."] An that doesn't involve stabbing us in the back? * Sonia shrugs. "We're just hired help, lady. " <@Brett> ["How? There's more of you than me, if you hadn't noticed."] <@Brett> ["And despite your peculiar fashion sense, I've seen you fight. I'm not about to go up against four of you by myself, cross dressers or otherwise."] * Shiho snickers. ... Here's a way you can help. Where in the name of hell are we, and why were we dressed like this when we woke up? <@Brett> [She blinks in surprise. "You mean you don't dress like that normally?"] No! I don't even own a kilt! <@Brett> [She muses. "Westerners are strange." She shrugs. "In good faith, I'll tell you you are in Pandemonium. But this close to a certain hell, your comrades, if you haven't bumped into them already, are likely there."] * Shiho mutters, "I'm from -Japan.-" Wait. What? They're in a hell? <@Brett> ["It's possible."] * Montana groans. "Where the fuck is Nigel. He'd probably wet himself with excitement." <@Brett> ( He took the night off, remember? :D ) (it's midnight) So... hell is maid uniforms. Good ta know. <@Brett> ["You're not there yet. Just close."] <@Brett> ["As it is, there is little to gain standing here. I propose a temporary alliance: I will show you where to go, and you don't shoot me. Deal?"] * Gordo looks at Sonia and Monty and asks them. "Fair enough?" * Sonia snorts. "Sure. I can not shoot people." It's great fun. I'm doin' it right now. Sounds fine. <@Brett> [Natascha nods. "Well then. Let us be off." And she heads to the door and past you, opening up the last remaining door in the hall.] <@Brett> [Behind it is the end of the session!]